Your Guide to Who Its OK to Hug at Work - The Muse

Your Guide to Who Its OK to Hug at Work - The MuseYour Guide to Who Its OK to Hug at Work A female friend- well call her Fran- recently called Mollie in a panic. Im worried I crossed a boundary at work, she said. Several times a year, I meet with a group at a hotel or conference venue for a few days to plan a big conference. The group members arent my direct colleagues since they work at different organizations. I give everyone a hug goodbye when we leave, since were friendly and I know it will be a few months before I landsee them again. At our most recent meeting, there were several new people. As we said goodbye at the end of the week, I hugged the people I already knew. But then I felt awkward not giving a hug to the new people, so I went in to hug them as well. Now Im worried that I was too forward.Sound familiar? This is a common experience in the digital age when work communication has been brought to a whole new level of intimacy. Messages from your manager might include emoj is or arrive via text or Facebook Messenger. People you havent actually honigwein in person feel like they could be actual friends.So how do you know where to draw the line? We spent three years studying these kinds of challenges for our book, No Hard Feelings Emotions at Work (And How They Help You Succeed).Graphic courtesy of Liz Fosslien and Mollie West-Duffy.First off, there are three levels of work relationships to consider, and each has a different hugging norm.There are the people you work with every day, like your teammates. Well call them your day-to-days. It would be a lot to hug these people hello or goodbye because you see them so frequently. Even if youre leaving or coming back from vacation, its fine to just say or Slack them your greeting. And when it comes to your direct report (or someone else junior to you) or boss, unless youre very close, a good general rule is to forget about hugs all together.Then there are people who you see less often, like colleagues who wor k in other offices, clients, or partners at other organizations. Well call these people your occasionals. Its more normal to hug these people simply because you dont see them that often (as was the case in Frans situation). However, there is a huge variance in peoples comfort level with hugging. Mollie has noticed that some of her clients, for example, are huggers, and some are definitely not. The clients who are huggers tend to view Mollie as a friend and partner, in plus-rechnen to a consultant. The clients who are not huggers tend to view her as an advisor and prefer to keep a professional boundary by not hugging.Lastly, there are people who youve just met or will only be seeing once. Well call these people your newlymets. For example, Mollie often facilitates workshops for extended client teams. She knows she will only meet these workshop participants once, and so it would be weird to hug them hello or goodbye.Graphic courtesy of Liz Fosslien and Mollie West-Duffy.The problem in Frans case was that she was interacting with people from two different levels at once the occasionals and the newlymets. The norms for both of these groups are different.So, what to do? There are three good optionsYou can hug the occasionals and offer a handshake to the newlymets. Its unlikely that someone you just met will be offended that youre not hugging them.You can wait to take your cue from the other person. As youre going down the meeting-each-other line, dont launch in for either a hug or handshake, but watch the other persons body language to see what theyre going for. If you dont watch carefully, this can result in the awkward hugshake, which is what we call the jumbled mismatch of limbs when one person goes in for a hug and one goes in for a handshake. (If this happens, dont stress- its not the end of the world and will most likely be forgotten in an hour.)If you really want to hug the newlymets for consistencys sake, you should acknowledge it. You can say something lik e, I know we just met, but Im a hugger. Is it OK if I hug you as well? This gives the other person a bit of a heads up and the opportunity to grant their permission (or not) before you go in for a hug.Graphic courtesy of Liz Fosslien and Mollie West-Duffy.One more note well make is that some people dont want to hug for reasons beyond not knowing you- because of personal space or sensory issues, or because of certain traumas, for example. So even if you love hugging, make sure youre aware of the other persons body language and are giving them the option to say no.Remember that its always better to err on the side of more formal. When in doubt, offer a handshake.